Starbucks reinvented fast food by taking a reasonably-good product and convincing consumers that it was gourmet.

Then Starbucks started being thought of as too fast-foody, so it reinvented itself as eco-chic (I mean, come on.  $3.50 for a bottle of water, a dime of which goes to the third world?  Why not drink out of the tap and send, oh, I don’t know, $3.50 to charity?)

Then Starbucks started being thought of as too corporate.  So their solution: buy a smaller line of faux-gourmet coffee.  And market the new ownership by — yes — joking that the new (already-corporate) company they just purchased were guerrilla hipsters bent on toppling Starbucks itself.

JHM: What’s the price on those, please?

Employee: We have three-packs for $8.99.  We also have large bags individually for $2.

JHM: Individually they’re $2?

E: Yeah, but they’re larger.

JHM: Then it … kinda sounds like the individual bags are a better deal, yeah?

E: [nervous laugh] I didn’t want to say that.

Woot?  You, know, Woot?  That wacky corner of e-commerce where, each day, they offer (many of) one wacky item and write snarky copy to get people to buy that one thing?  Once in a while they’ll grab a bunch of their odds and ends and sell them, without disclosing the contents, as a “Woot Bag of Crap”.

With me? 

A Woot Bag of Crap just saved the life of someone in Haiti during the earthquake.

If this random weirdness gets you in a place the former news hasn’t, there are links to donate to charity on the Woot blog where this story showed up.

A quick mega thank-you to my readers who put $15.36 into my pocket by shopping through my Amazon affiliate link in pre-Christmas December.  I’d like to thank you by … noting that you other readers can help support this site by dragging this Amazon.com link to your shortcuts and using it when you shop.

gah I’m such a whore

I may — may may may — have succeeded in removing the last of the advertising from my site.  I stopped contacting advertisers whose contracts have expired to see if they want to renew about six months ago, and the last lease has expired.  But actually scrubbing it all has been much harder than I wanted it to be, the sticking point being the feed ads.  I have no idea what is putting them in there.  Is Google Reader itself doing so?

In any case, I’m keeping the “To support this site” Amazon text on the top of the pages — I think it’s not unclassy at all — but, there you go, back to a mcgees.org (see?) without ads.

I’ve held off getting an iPod because they hadn’t crossed into the realm where they met my needs.

They have now.

Here’s the model:

So, we’ve all done work.  Apple designed it; Amazon is selling it; I’m recognizing that I want it.  Now it’s the turn for a dedicated reader to buy one for me.  Wishlist.  kthnxbye

Amazon dot effing com sold out of Michael Jackson.  So did SecondSpin.  Everything on Half that’s priced under $15 or so is gone, and mp3 sites are showing that (last time I checked) 8 out of the top 10 albums are Jacko’s.  SwapaCD members, collectively, list one album title and four singles titles (I’d link directly to the searches, but I want people to use my referral ID when they come looking to buy Michael Jackson CDs.)  The one that remains is Dabgerous, “the rare multi-platinum, number one album that qualifies as a nearly forgotten, underappreciated record”, according to the perennial dick reviewer Stephen Thomas Erlewine (apparently grunge was this album’s undoing.)

I haven’t looked it up, but aren’t there >10⁸ copies out there floating around?

» Buy Michael Jackson Albums on Amazon

Why pay the regular price of 2 for 99¢ when you can pay the discounted price: 2 for 99¢ (or, to be fair, you may be paying 2 for $99 today, which at least is a different price.)

2003: Open a pack of Magic: The Gathering‘s set Portal: Three Kingdoms and find an Imperial Recruiter.

2005: Think about selling said card.  Check value: $2 – $3.  “This is breakable,” I think.  “I’m going to hold on to it.”

2007: Think about selling said card.  Check value: $2 – $3.  “This is still breakable,” I think.  “I’m going to hold on to it.”

2009: Think once more about selling said card.  Check value: $86 – $130.

I guess someone broke it.  I think I’ll sell it now.

Here’s one way to get me to click on your ad:

The shirts are crazily overpriced, which is sad, because, in addition to that one above, tons of them are fantastic, including ones depicting an argument between mathematical constants, consoling a dwarf planet, featuring friendly crocodilians parting, helping panhandle for a Montoyan cause, and trying a weirdly-semantic pickup line.

No kickback and, as I said, ridiculously overpriced.  Still tons of fun to browse.

“Unconsumption is a word used to describe everything that happens after an act of acquisition.”

Would it be conspicuous concern — signaling — to mention that I intend to buy nothing new this year (save consumables, which I’m also trying to reduce)?  I’ll gamble on that not being the case, wager that the net positive effect for the planet, by publicizing this idea, will be significantly higher than the possible increase in esteem by readers.

(via Richard Eriksson)

If anyone else posted this I’d call this spam, but as I am the deity:

I have a coupon for $50 off a purchase of $125 or more at eBags, which is a store I really like, but I don’t need $125 worth of stuff from them right now.  This is not a free coupon I discovered, this is one I earned through an affiliate program.  There are the normal eBags contractual brand exclusions.

I’d take a $30 Amazon gc for it, or best offer.  Or, if no one offers to trade, I’d just give it to you if you asked nicely enough.

Anyone know of a site where such things can be traded (à la Plastic Jungle?)

I haven’t gotten mine yet, but there is a swaggy Free Desk Lamp on offer.  It’s ad-supported.  A razor blade might take care of that, depending on what it’s painted with.

There are people you really, really don’t want to piss off.  I can’t believe I’m about to increase their PageRank, but here it is.

The complete series megaset of Danger Mouse (the show, my clever electronica fans) is available for $10 on preorder.

Believe it or not, I’m not getting a kickback on this one.

I’d like to take a moment to endorse a great company (and, full disclosure, important site advertiser), Superior Titanium.  They sell a range of goods made from titanium, many of which make great holiday gifts, especially their fantastic money clips, which I swear by (Literally.  I’ve inscribed Bible verses on mine and everything.)

OK, I’m a whore, but:

Not for me, but for, you know, someone.  Someone hard to shop for.  With internet access.  Who might live a long way away.  Use that link, if you would.

Hey Readers,

As you probably know, I’m an Amazon Affiliate.  I’m not really allowed to say this out loud, but (obviously) when you buy Amazon stuff through my links, I get a kickback.  It doesn’t add up to much.

I’m also a heavy-duty Amazon buyer, spending maybe $500-$1000 (sometimes more) per year.  I’m the problem child for their Amazon Prime problem: they lose money on me constantly.

Problem is, if I buy through my Affiliate ID, all my sales stats are snuffed out because I cannot get a kickback on my own sales.

So what I’m looking for is another Affiliate who is also a heavy Amazon buyer (let’s put that at $500+/year.)  We’ll each generate a text link with our Associate ID embedded, bookmark each other’s, and promise to go to Amazon always through that link.

If more than one of you is interested, we could daisy-chain it (A→B, B→C, C→A, or whatever).

This post may not last forever, since it is subverting Amazon, but if you (Richard?  Jordon?  Marco?  Polo?) want to trade, LMK.

So, the issue comes up: where to buy stamps online now?  eBay has priced themselves out of the game (so there is no way for people to profit sell cheaper stamps there any longer) and, after dealings with Mark Rosenberg of StampWants (who, incidentally, wrote a threatening letter to me to remove my original statements from this site) I learned several things:

1. Live in or collect a country other than the United States?  There is a good chance that you do not warrant a category on StampWants in Mr. Rosenberg’s assessment.  Check the site’s categories for yourself.  Mr. Rosenberg considers this a business decision.  I see it as an important sample point in ensuring that the rest of the world remains a “special interest group” on StampWants.

2. Mr. Rosenberg is happy to claim experimental results that show that adding that country you care about as a category would ruin StampWants, but is unwilling to share the data (as would be standard practice in the scientific community.

3. I find Mr. Rosenberg tremendously cocksure when it comes to his own opinions, answering questions in a way that I consider rude and to perpetually dodge the point, with logic I find fallacious.  To add insult to injury, he then accuses me of continuing to change the topic.

There are more reasons, but that should suffice for most readers, I suspect.  Contact me if you want more.  As I alluded to earlier, I received an absolutely adorable attempt at a cease-and-desist letter written by Mr. Rosenberg, in which he continues to behave in a manner I consider rude in the same breath that he denies ever having been rude in the first place.  So instead of waiting for a frame-worthy cease-and-desist letter written by someone with, oh, say, training, I’ve rephrased the preceding (as a courtesy) to explicitly state my interpretations of Rosenberg’s behavior.

In any case, my First-Amendment-protected recommendation (which follows my First-Amendment-protected opinions) is: avoid StampWants.  And the funny thing?  My rephrasing, driven by Mark’s tired letter, extends the length of my negative assessment of his site and him by a couple orders of magnitude.

His non-StampWants email is markcrosenberg@gmail.com, by the way.

So, instead of StampWants, I turned to the awesome Delcampe auction site and went to Moneybookers to pay, as the dealer had requested.

Moneybookers is the European equivalent of PayPal, and it’s kind of neat to deal to deal with overseas companies as an American, and think about what it’s like for overseas citizens to do the reverse.  It’s like walking around with your arm in a sling.  For instance: ways to fund your account.  You can pay from your bank account, if you find the carefully-hidden place to add an American account (because American banks don’t support IBAN, and Moneybookers pretty much assumes your bank does.)  You can also fund your “wallet” with a credit card, for a 1.9% fee.  Worldwide, they take Visa, MasterCard, American Express, and Diner’s Club.  Except in the States.  There you can use Visa, American Express, or Diner’s Club — but not MasterCard, due to unspecified “security issues”.  Does anyone have the slightest idea what is going on there?  I am so used to Visa and MasterCard being uttered in the same breath.  They even show up together on the same store window decal.  And I really wanted to use a Mastercard (specifically, my PayPal MasterCard).

Check out 960946038000 and marvel at the über-efficiency of FedEx!  They really are frakking unbelievable.  I think it’s time to invest.

Some of you have already gotten this in an email from me, but I strongly advise you to sign up for Obopay.  In short, it’s a secure way to send money from your mobile phone to another person’s mobile phone, even if he or she has not signed up yet.  It’s much like Paypal, with the killer app being the restaurant phenomenon of no one having enough cash: this way, everyone can text their contribution to one person, who then puts the bill on a credit card (it needs a PIN, so if someone steals your phone, they cannot empty your bank account or credit card.)

Also useful for movie tickets, splitting parking costs, paying for auctions, and so forth.  Unlike Paypal, which takes a (large!) percentage of the money from the seller, Obopay just charges the sender a small fee (for now it’s a dime, but it’s going up to a quarter next month.)

OK, here’s the pitch: sign up using that link I’ve provided, and I’ll get a referral bonus.  I could really use the cash.  As soon as you add a funding source, you’ll be set up as an Obopay registered user.  Then, I’ll send you $1 (via Obopay) — your first Obopay receipt — as thanks.  OK?  Please sign up your mobile phone, and use one of the links.

U.S. only for right now, sorry.

Merci.

Answer to What We Pay For Gold at GoldKit:

The first question many people ask us is: What is the price you will pay for my scrap gold? To answer this, we need to weigh and evaluate your items. […] The amount of your check will depend on this evaluation.

And Prices We Pay at Cash4Gold?

Material	10 – 50 oz	50 – 100 oz
8K	$12.03(dwt)	$12.68(dwt)
10K	$13.43(dwt)	$14.03(dwt)
12K	$15.01(dwt)	$16.44(dwt)
14K	$16.59(dwt)	$18.85(dwt)
18K	$22.02(dwt)	$24.87(dwt)
22K	$28.72(dwt)	$29.30(dwt)
24K	$31.27(dwt)	$33.00(dwt)
PLATINUM	$48.36(dwt)	$51.06(dwt)
Jewelry (Plat.)	$43.53(dwt)	$45.94(dwt)
STERLING	$8.40ozt	$9.60ozt
.999 SILVER	$9.20ozt	$12.60ozt

So they’re not world-shattering prices, but I think I’d recommend the known quantity, thank-you-very-much.  ‘K, bye, GoldKit!

There’s an eBay lot that I really, really want.  The auction closes in less than one hour (4:40 a.m. PDT is probably some sensible time in Johannesburg, where the seller resides), and the bidding is at 14% of my high bid.  I would love to get this lot for 14% of my high bid.

I can’t sleep, as you can probably tell, so I’ve been fiddling (they call it a “one tweak loop” in computerese) with the sidebar.  Let me know what you think — if you can tell the difference.

Firefox did not complain about the word “computerese”.  Wow.

“We get a lot of stiff skepticism and disbelief from our first time clients all the time, and its okay, we’re used to it.”

Yeah?  No kidding.  Add me to that list.

Anyone care to support, debunk, or otherwise comment on this “miracle” product?

Amazon is/are having great deals on Victorinox knives.  (That last sentence is a link.)

Act quickly.

Posting this as a favor:

My friend is selling his used Powerbook.  I have seen the machine in the past, and it is in great condition, and amazingly light.  I can vouch for his honesty, and for the care he takes of his possessions (when I purchased vintage MAGIC cards from him, they were some of the most pristine I have seen.)  He says:

I am trying to sell my 12 inch Powerbook.  It has really been babied.  It has a few minor hairline scratches on the bottom (obviously does not effect performance and they can barely be seen).  Specs are below:

1.5GHz PowerPC G4
1.25GB DDR SDRAM
60GB 5400RPM
12″ LCD – 1024×768
GeForce FX Go5200 64MB
DVD/CD-RW Combo Drive
Wireless Airport Extreme
Bluetooth Built-in

Accessories:
Booq Powersleeve 12 inch (white/grey)

Asking $800 + shipping
Email: evanskeeee@yahoo.com
Pictures — www.spikedstudios.com/powerbook

I expect it’s small enough to fit — with padding — in a Priority Mail Flat Rate Box, which means shipping in the U.S. will run you about $10 (double-check with him on that, I haven’t asked him.)

My e-friend (and erstwhile contract artist) Ashley has a new line of hand-sewn adoptable critters.  Throw out your Beanie Babies!  These are the real deal.  Hand-sewn, with one eye on a green planet (most are made from recycled materials), one eye on serious art (the designs are highly competent), and the third eye (don’t ask) on whimsy (one-eyed chocolate-brown plush bunnies, anyone?), these adoptable creatures need your home.  They’re stuffed with poly-fill so they’re soft and resilient.

I held off posting until I could secure adoption rights for the mammoth.  I may be commissioning a penguin.  Or five.

Seriously, check them out.  Here’s a link:

The PowerSquid, one of the most clever products in history, is now available with a <1 nanosecond response-time, 540 joule surge suppressor.  List price is $34.95; the store Affordable Home Electronics has^* it for $9.44 and low shipping.

^* Happy, Dave?  I arranged the sentence so that I could use a singular verb.

Actual exchange from the last time I bought a suit (which will probably be the last for some time):

Salesman:  How much were you planning on spending today?
Joshua:  Oh, I don’t know, maybe $300?
Salesman:  (Rueful chuckle:) No.  But maybe $400.
Joshua:  OK.  I was thinking something with a European cut.
Salesman:  (Rueful chuckle:) No.  You’re not built for a European cut.  Here’s a nice suit for $400.
Joshua:  Um, I was hoping that would include a shirt and tie…
Salesman:  (Rueful chuckle:) No.  (etc.)

Kinda reminiscent of Dave Barry trying to make an offer on the real estate agent’s office, no?

At the end of the ass-rape, I thanked him.  Can you believe that?  Sick, sick!  Holding onto his picture, dressing up (in that suit!) every day…

Hello, where am I?  Sorry.

Here’s your Google-foo assignment: I’m looking for a serious, fancy leather wallet, one of the “lay flat” inner-coat-pocket types, not one of the bifold or trifold varieties trouser-pocket types.

It has to be long enough to hold currency notes, checks, tickets, passport, etc. flat, and should ideally have a metric assload of little sewn pockets for credit and ID cards, all arranged neatly in n columns, where n could be as low as one.  This panel can fold out/fold open/whatever.

For bonus points, photo display and a zipper pouch for a guitar pick (which I always carry with me).

Hand-tooled?  Moroccan leather?  Italian workmanship?  Requires oiling?  Sky’s the limit.  Actually, about $200 is the limit.  Low-hanging-clouds-in-the-sky is the limit.  I could probably go to $300.  I want this shit to look good, something that says “Holy shit, that guy’s got a wallet wallet!”

12 months’ free advertising on this post (first placement, editor’s discretion still applies) to the person who finds exactly what I desire.